Dating phd girl

Quite frankly, it's offensive. They're not looking to hire "more qualified professionals", or "persons with my particular skill set". They're looking to meet a quota, and not knowing anything about me, they still want to hire me because they can tell from a glance what my gender is. Now I understand there are good intentions there - they want to give me the opportunity to interview. An opportunity that women haven't been given as often in the past. But at this point, I know the opportunity is out there. I know many companies will hire you even if you're less qualified BECAUSE you're a woman and they're trying to prove just how progressive and PC they are to the world to improve their image, while others are simply motivated to fix the problem, but unaware of the best way to help.

Ranting aside, this is what I would hope for, and what has always made me happy when encountered in past interactions:. Be just as tough on her as you would be with your male students. She'll come out better for it. If she's good at her job because she truly earned her education, she'll blaze a path in the field that will change the minds of those dwindling number of sexist individuals she'll encounter in the workplace by the quality of her work. She'll inspire other women to pursue their passions because her intelligence and work ethic will speak for itself.

If you cut her slack because she's a woman, you're simply raising false idols.

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Other men will dislike her because she's not as competent or qualified when she graduates and you'll reinforce existing sexist views, and women who wind up working with her that did climb over obstacles to get there won't respect her, and will consider her an embarrassment to the movement. But if you see her stress, trip or begin to falter, do what you would for any other male student - check in. Mention your office hours, suggest peer study groups, and "catch up" alternate class times if you have other open spots.

We'll catch up eventually both in numbers in the STEM community, and in raising our glass ceiling. All we ask is to have the same opportunities. Not a leg up to reach them.


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  • Why Do the Smartest Women Have the Toughest Time Dating?!

In addition to ff's excellent answer, I would recommend one other important step to take: Despite best intentions, your perspective is likely to be limited in many ways simply because you are male and not female, and our media tends to provide us with a lot more male perspectives on science than female ones Quick: How many of the people who popped into your head were male? Explicitly adding more female voices to your media consumption is a good way to broaden your perspective and to decrease the likelihood that you will unintentionally do something problematic in advising your student.


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For a starting point, let me recommend a few semi-arbitrarily selected blogs that I find interesting:. Happy readingand note that you can apply a similar method to broadening your perspective on other sorts of under-represented perspectives as well. One thing to watch is meeting dynamics.

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Why Do the Smartest Women Have the Toughest Time Dating?

A level of assertiveness that would be seen as a good thing in a man may be regarded shrill or angry coming from a woman. Some of us don't care, but younger, less experienced women may try to get along by softening and suppressing their opinions. That may risk getting their opinions and ideas ignored. Famous quotes, the way a woman would have to say them during a meeting illustrates what women do when trying to express opinions safely. All I can suggest is to watch the dynamics of e. Given that you're supervising PhD students, I'll note that this really applies to all of your advisees.

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However, it's more prevalent among members of underrepresented groups in any given field or community. I'm happy to accept edits on that point, upvote comments, etc. I agree that you should not treat her any differently than your male students, nor should you point this out to her. However, remember that her gender may affect how she is treated by others in your field students or colleagues.

If she raises concerns about sexism or harassment, above all, listen to her. Then find out how you can support her. As you probably know, Title IX applies to grad students and faculty, as well as undergrads. You may also want to pay a little extra attention to how others interact with her in seminars, research group meetings, and other professional settings. If you see things that concern you, be an active bystander, and let her know you've got her back. For me as a female grad student in a male-dominated field it was and is very important to meet female role models.

And I started to be that for younger students. So my 5 cents are to introduce her to successful and nice ;- women in your field if you happen to know some and if you can do so in a natural way.

I also tend to have very empathetic male collaborators, while this seems to be less of a criterion for my male colleagues when choosing their collaborators. The solution to this does not have to be gender-specific, I totally agree with "But all that really just comes down to being communicative and supportive of your students, whatever their individual needs might be. In addition to all of the excellent advice given in the other answers, you need to take extra care to not allow any hints of a non-professional relationship with her.

For example, as a male, if I had a female student visiting my office, I would never close my door, even if she asked. We never speak about our romantic lives, even though we can certainly chat about hobbies or the news. If I'm accompanying her to a conference, I never go to meals with her alone, even though I would do so with a single male student. It doesn't even matter if I'm even heterosexual or not. But I'm in the position of power, and there needs to be no opportunities for even accusations of improper conduct. The stories of vulnerable women being taken advantage of by their professors, or flirtatious women winning favour the wrong way - society simply doesn't expect men to behave the same way.

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There are lots of good points made in the other answers. I have read them all, but didn't see this idea.

Why Do the Smartest Women Have the Toughest Time Dating? | HuffPost Life

I did see "don't tell her", but I would suggest you do tell her. The reason is that you want to learn and being male having worked exclusively with male students, you don't know what mistakes you may be making. That is your point, and your female student could help.


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  6. If you tell your first female student she is your first, your intentions center on fairness and merit, and that she would be helping you improve by gently pointing out gender bias, she might be glad to help. Otherwise, if she does see bias which you missed , she could easily assume that's just how it is, as though you already know. In anti-racism thinking, white folks have "white privilege. There are similar reflections on what it means to enjoy male privilege. Setting aside racism and sexism can be quite difficult, especially for white guys.

    I've asked people, alone or in groups, to read this kind of stuff. It helps get people ready for the kind of "first woman student" or "first black boss" change you are experiencing. I understand I might have lost people wit the following answer. This was partly inspired by:. First, to limit the standard gender biases and stereotypes, try to view the situation from an other perspective: Both are quite similar: But one common trait, though less visible at first glance, is more important to scholars: The allegory is about focusing on the most important traits in academia, not the obvious ones that matter most in society.

    Yet, in this allegory, some birds are more familiar than others in everyday life. And the others are more prone to songs or poems. So I am a duck, supervising a seagull student. Ducks shake wings to other ducks, but they like to cheek kiss seagulls. There are other such "habits", that distinguish seagulls and ducks in workplaces. So I told my seagull student: So I now ask people if they want to shake wings or else.