Can i be friends with a guy before dating him

This is because you desire more than friendship with this person, and kidding yourself that they're your "platonic friend" will not put an end to this. Your brain has formed romantically-driven pathways which are only growing stronger every time you see them. You do not see this man or woman as a friend, and won't be able to do so unless you step back and distance yourself. Infatuation has a shelf-life, naturally fading after a few months; however, if you're regularly having philosophical conversations and coffee dates with this person, you will only fall harder in love.

When striving to stay as close as possible to someone that you love, you may be forgetting one fundamental thing: It may provide you with some sugary highs, but these will be followed by harrowingly low moods and pain as you return to reality and remember that they only view you platonically. The embarrassment and feelings of low self-esteem will be unrelenting.

You'll spend a lot of your time hyper-focusing on your own body language and speech patterns, desperately trying to stay within the illusory "friendship" boundaries that you are trying to maintain. You will struggle, giving away your true feelings, and then will suffer more pain and guilt. It's also imperative to remember that the anger will be soul-destroying. All the above brings to light exactly why you should not be friends with someone that you love. Unrequited love will cause you to experience an emotional turmoil, almost like you're grieving a family member. Is it really a true friendship if you are desperate to be with this person romantically and are constantly unhappy, jealous and disillusioned?

We don't send regular emails, we send cool emails

In short, befriending someone that you are romantically interested in will warp the way that you define a "friend". Normal friendship obviously doesn't involve any romantic highs or undertones, so your connections with your existing friends will seem extremely dull in comparison to what you have with this person. As I explained above, you will act and feel like you are dating them, going through all the same highs and lows as someone in a new relationship due to dopamine and serotonin.

Your platonic friends will not bring you the same ecstasy, understandably. It is dangerous to blur the lines between friendship and romance for this reason; you will become bored of your friends, and will be even more likely to only want to spend time with this person. Unfortunately, this person that you adore does not feel the same way about you. They probably enjoy spending time with you, and the connection is genuine in that sense, but they will never make as much time for you as you will for them.

Aware of the disparity between their feelings and yours, you will constantly try and morph yourself into a subservient version of this person which, by the way, will only make you appear oddly clingy. It is agonising to adore someone and want to show them the most intense forms of love and affection.

"I'm Not Ready for a Relationship" (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

However, a harsh truth about us humans is that we detest intensity when it is unrequited on our part. Imagine one of your platonic friends suddenly becoming possessive and intense in their emotions. You may pity them, bit it would become irritating after a period of time and even creepy. The friendship will obviously always be balanced since they are not in love with you too. In fact, nothing about this connection is a friendship.

Thanks Betch

You'll always linger when they smile at you, or hug you, and you'll always want the conversation to become a little more intimate and philosophical. They, on the other hand, will slowly grow sick of you as all they will see is a lovesick, unhappy, clingy puppy. While you should be compassionate to yourself when faced with an emotionally-demanding situation like this, you must also consider the other person in the equation. They are deserving of close friends who wholly support them and their lifestyle, and you, unfortunately, do not qualify for this position. You will never truly be there for them when they need relationship advice, or a hug because they've failed a test, since you will be unable to hide the extent of your jealousy and desire.

We should not be strongly attracted to our friends. You will also be a suboptimal friend in many other ways, all stemming from the issue that you are infatuated with them. You are hanging onto this "friendship" to be a bit opportunistic, and may find yourself acting manipulatively to try and stop them pursuing anyone else. Regardless of your intentions, you aren't actually interested in connecting with them platonically and would hate to see them happily in a relationship. This is because a platonic friendship doesn't entail physical attraction or romantic feelings.

Step back from the situation and ask yourself this question: The only way out of this conundrum is to detach yourself from this person, even if it kills you to do so, and to start living for yourself.

Are You Dating a "Loser"? - Women's and Gender Studies, The Pauline Jewett Institute

You'll regain your sense of self, develop your skills and will eventually find a partner who can love you back. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

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Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. Yes I've been in that situation for a really long time only I didn't notice I was in love with him until after I ended the friendship with him I feel better since I ended the friendship it was rather a permanent decision I made I'm not sorry that I won't be around for his wedding because I don't want to be I've got a good boyfriend myself so I'm focusing on him and I couldn't when I was friends with Dominic he wasn't even a good friend so it's no big loss for me for him it really must have been a big loss his relationship will probably fail because his friends will all figure out what I did that he was toxic.

Life in the "friend zone" is pure torture for those who find themselves in that predicament. Essentially what causes this is a lack of courage to face rejection. Deep down they're hoping for a "When Harry Met Sally" movie moment where the friend realizes all they've ever wanted is right beside them. It's easier for an ex lover to become a best friend than it is for a best friend to become a lover. In other instances they're hoping there will be a "moment of weakness" when the person is distressed enough to turn to them for physical and emotional comfort one night.

Choosing to hang out with someone you have a crush on while listening to them talk about dates and lovers or being a shoulder for them to cry on is an act of insanity. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.

Never Befriend Someone You Love: The Golden Rule of Infatuation

Why is it only what you want that matters? Because asking means that someone will just lie about it. I think action speaks louder than words. Where i come from, the guys i met will just lie. And should ease all that anxious, unfortunate appetite down a lotta […]. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Twenty20, chalejoelthis Everything is fast-paced these days.

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