Dating for chronically ill

Strictly Necessary Cookie should be enabled at all times so that we can save your preferences for cookie settings. If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to save your preferences. This means that every time you visit this website you will need to enable or disable cookies again. This article is written by Anabel Cooper. Communication Is the Key to Progress As with any relationship, the getting to know you stage for someone with a chronic illness can be one of the most difficult.

They Need to Understand Where the Limitations End Along with this comes the understanding of just how much a chronic illness affects you.

I Refuse to Hide My Invisible Illness While Dating

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When I come across these experts I find being clear, direct, and honest with them is the best approach.

A Letter to Those Who Think They are Undateable – Chronically Salty

They are convinced you have a gluten intolerance when you have been tested. Not wanting to hurt their feelings by lying and saying you will cut out gluten is not going to work. Telling them you have been tested, and you trust what a doctor told you over them is the best way to solve the problem.

Finding someone to accept me — all of me

If they listen to you then they probably just want to help and are misled; in this case you may have found a good one! Sometimes you can explain your illness a hundred times, define the word chronic repeatedly, and do your best to educate your partner and they will just never get it. Chronic means long term; I am always sick! This is the most common person I run into while dating and I must say it has left me frustrated. Sometimes my chronic illness comes up naturally in conversation, other times I have to modify plans and I will briefly explain.

Then, a lot of dates never speak to me again.

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Worried I was paranoid, I asked a few people why they broke up with me. While it can hurt to experience this rejection, do not assume everyone is like this. Sometimes you will be rejected by someone for a reason unrelated to your illness. Sometimes people hear about your illness and are supportive.

Never lie about your illness. It will just hurt more later on. People who support you through your illness can be scarce- even more so in dating. The best partners treat the chronic illness as something you are fighting together, not a negative personality trait that is your fault. Such a fantastic post! I too have been in relationships with people on both ends of the spectrum. He was abusive in more ways than one. The other extreme is my now husband. He still sees me as the same person and does everything he can to help me keep as much independence as possible.

Thank you, and thank you for sharing! You just keep compromising little by little, until it becomes the norm. I always said I would never date anybody with a mental illness, after a couple of horrible dating experiences. In saying that, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety after my now husband and I got engaged. It was certainly very difficult for him during this time, and I feel the only reason we have made it is because he would always remind us both that the illness I had was just that, an illness, and he knew who he fell in love with.

My husband also has epilepsy and I have spent many many sleepless nights next to him in hospital, however I have always found those scary moments to be instrumental in reminding me just how much I love him. Sibce we were married I have developed a sometimes debilitating autoimmune disease which has its difficulties if course! Of course he gets tired and struggles sometimes, but nobody is perfect and we do show our worst sides to those we love the most.

I have learned from him that love is a choice and not a feeling. Sometimes love feels good and sometimes it is a hard slog, but it is never worth giving up on the other person. We make each other be the best we can be. This is a very interesting and needed post. In my case the spectrum was a little different. The mental caused physical conditions and the stress of an abusive marriage just made things worse. When I was able to get out of that and work on myself, I found someone who had always actually been there.

It took us awhile to work through the obstacles, but we have been married for over 15 years and he is my rock. He accepts my challenges and does all he can to make me feel whole and loved. My husband continued dating me throughout our marriage until I got sick.

Not being able to date even though we try has definitely affected our marriage. It would definitely be interesting to hear it from your point of view, especially since you write well! Please join us again next week. Ultimately, we all have quirks and issues. I also discovered the same thing about who to date — the most important thing is someone who you feel good with. Thank you for dropping by!

Yet he had seemed so compassionate when we were dating! Hehe my mom and many of my aunts say similar, i.


Compassion is something that can be worked on always, I struggle with it myself. Your words were something I needed to head this morning. I myself am dating again after a relationship that made me feel less of a person bc I was sick. I hope at some point I can find the courage and the words to write my own account of that chapter in life. Seriously though… this is one of the top 3 blog posts I have ever read.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it. Yes dating again can be such a scary thing, simply because of that illness barrier and hurdle to go through. I do have more stories to tell, but they are irrelevant for this post in particular. Wishing you a great day and wonderful journey ahead with your loved ones. I have had similar experiences with dating! I am still looking for Mr. I often feel discouraged because of my illness; I guess I feel I do not want to put anyone through my stuff.

Any advice on how you regained your confidence? How did you meet your current bf? Ironically I sought her for totally different issues during a bad health period, but I realised that everything in your life is linked. Your email address will not be published. Dating at One End of the Spectrum I once dated a man whose greatest desire was to start a family of his own, and it troubled him that I never seemed to get better.

Dating at the Other End of the Spectrum My current boyfriend on the other hand, always sees the future in a hopeful light, and goes with the flow of life. Share on Facebook Share. Share on Twitter Tweet.

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Share on Google Plus Share. Share on Pinterest Share. Share on LinkedIn Share. Share on Digg Share. Previous story Issue Next story Issue Mandy Farmer Apr 1, This is a good thing to think about for everyone. Sheryl Chan Apr 1, Hi Mandy, yes very true.