Dating a 72 year old man
I've had everything from a cancer operation to shingles, and I'm still sexually active. Wellborn's openness about sex -- and the frequency with which she has enjoyed it -- may be somewhat unusual, but her perspective is not. One advantage of growing older is that personal relationships can take on increased importance as children and careers take a backseat.
Seniors can devote more time and energy to improving their love lives.
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And while some seniors may be forced to give up strenuous sports, sex is a physical pleasure many older people readily enjoy. A clear majority of men and women age 45 and up say a satisfying sexual relationship is important to the quality of life, according to a survey by the AARP the organization formerly known as the American Association of Retired Persons.
Among to year-olds with sexual partners, some 56 percent said they had sexual intercourse once a week or more. Among to year-olds with partners, 46 percent of men and 38 percent of women have sex at least once a week, as did 34 percent of those 70 or older.
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The study found that nearly half of all Americans age 60 or over have sex at least once a month and that nearly half also wanted to have sex more frequently. As for making love, it just gets better with age, according to Cornelia Spindel, 75, who married her husband Gerald when she was They met when Gerry Spindel took his wife, who was dying of Alzheimer's, to a kosher nutrition program where Cornelia, a widow, worked as a volunteer. The two gradually became close friends, and after his wife's death, became intimate.
When Gerald proposed, she accepted with pleasure. Now, Cornelia says, "We feel like young lovers or newlyweds. I felt like I was able to make love better when I was 30 than when I was 20, and now I have a whole lifetime of experience.
Her year-old husband agrees, and dislikes the patronizing attitude many people display toward older people who are intimate. Our love life is very warm. Both men and women can expect normal physiological changes as they age that may affect the way they experience sex.
Experts say these changes are not usually a barrier to enjoying a healthy sex life, but couples may have to take more time for arousal. Postmenopausal women, for example, have lower levels of the hormone estrogen, which in turn decreases vaginal lubrication and elasticity. In many cases, dryness can be relieved by something as simple as using a water-based lubricant like KY Jelly.
Doctors can offer other remedies for more difficult cases.
Men may suffer from impotence or have more difficulty achieving and sustaining erections as their blood circulation slows and testosterone levels decrease. Impotence is also more prevalent in men who have a history of heart disease, hypertension, or diabetes. Now, however, sildenafil citrate Viagra , vardenafil Levitra , and tadalafil Cialis have aided some older men who weren't helped by other treatments. Some experts, in fact, worry that these drugs may cause an upsurge in AIDS in people over 50, because they are not likely to take precautions; they urge older people who are dating to practice safe sex.
Some studies also suggest that the supplement ginkgo biloba, which increases circulation, can help treat impotence, but others show no such effect. Men should always check with their doctors before taking it. Among other things, ginkgo can interact with anticoagulants to cause a stroke. Despite these hopeful prognoses, studies show that only a fraction of the seniors who could be treated for sexual problems actually seek medical help.
That's too bad, experts say, because even serious medical conditions need not prevent elders from having a satisfying sex life. Seniors should see a physician if they've lost interest in sex or are having sexual difficulties. Some sedatives, most antidepressants, excessive alcohol, and some prescription drugs have side effects that interfere with sex; a doctor can help adjust medication or set guidelines on alcohol intake. Illnesses, disabilities, and surgeries can also affect sexuality, but in general, even disease need not interfere with sexual expression.
The physical changes that occur with age can give older people a chance to revitalize their lovemaking by focusing more on intimacy and closeness instead of sex alone. Often less preoccupied with performance, they can express their affection and closeness in other ways, such as cuddling, kissing, and stroking.
As he grows older, Rhoades says he doesn't feel the "compulsion" to have sex as much as he did when he was younger. With a grown son still living at home, he says he makes love less often than he'd like but still enjoys it very much. Sex becomes more a matter of choice and is more interesting and intriguing for each partner," he says.
But among older women who are widowed, divorced, or single, finding a partner can be difficult. According to several reports, women make up the majority of the elderly without partners.
What Do Older Men Want When it Comes to Senior Dating? You Might be Surprised!
Older women are also judged by society as less attractive than their male counterparts, a double standard that women's groups have long decried. This "partner gap" greatly inhibits women's social and sexual activity as they reach their senior years. In the AARP study, only 32 percent of women 70 or older have partners, compared with 59 percent of men in the same age group.
In the NCOA study, older men are more likely than older women to be married and have sex partners. As I discovered recently at a gathering of thirty to fifty-something women who were all single and dating, a younger woman pays an especially heavy price to be with a much older man.
And instead of a washboard stomach, they have washboard bottoms.
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And, as one of my young friends revealed over dinner after her affair with a year-old, the sex can be a nightmare. One woman at the dinner, a glamorous fifty-something, told of her latest dating experience.
She met an adorable man 12 years older than her who was very keen, but who suddenly stopped calling or returning her texts. After three weeks without a word, he reappeared. Was there another woman? Was he back with the ex-wife? Yes, teeth problems loom large with the older man, as does health in general. They fret about their receding hairline and their ever-expanding waistlines.
The ugly truth about dating an older man
Forget the myth about the older man who can support you emotionally and financially: Constantly seeking reassurance, they need their lovers to lavish praise on them. As Wood said of his new girlfriend: The most brilliant portrayal of the truth of the much older man and the younger woman comes, ironically, from Woody Allen - who left his partner and mother of his children, Mia Farrow, who was a modest ten years his junior, for their stepdaughter Soon-Yi Previn, who was 35 years younger than him.
Alfie subjects himself to fake tans and endless gym sessions, wears teenage clothes and watches his bank account dwindle due to her excesses. It is a poignant, rather pathetic portrayal of the Ronnie Woods of this world and reveals the truth about love with an old rogue. As exhausted Alfie discovers when he leaves his young wife and tries to reconcile with Helena, there is something marvellous about a long marriage. Even in your 80s, as I know from my own parents, you remember the young person you fell in love with, and they remember you as you were - the soft skin, the bright eyes, the youthful body, the passion and the enthusiasm.
But while a lengthy marriage might provide a woman with a bank of memories to draw on when her husband turns grey and doddery, for a young woman going out with a much older man, what you see is what you get. The truth is, women are much more likely to find happiness with a man nearer their own age.